Bennett Rose’s Law of Spatial Disorder
Dr. Bennett Rose’s Law of Spatial Disorder (hereafter referred to as LoSD), formerly Theory of Spatial Disorder, is the concept that the speed of a line or lane one is in directly increases proportional to the duration spent in said line upon leaving, while the speed of the lane one switches to will in response dramatically decrease accordingly. LoSD was first postulated on the day of July 4th, year 1967. On that particular day, Dr. Bennett Rose was driving down Interstate 49 in his model Z990 “El Diablo Plata” Speedstar convertible when he encountered a traffic jam. Having several hours before his appointment into the city, the doctor was in no rush. As time passed by and frustration grew, he went about finding the quickest way to his destination, weaving through traffic in order to squeeze precious seconds out of his travel time. Upon hours of research, trial and error, and swear words, he discovered that the lane he switched to would slow down immediately upon his arrival, while the flow of traffic in the lane he had previously been in would speed up.
After his considerably late arrival to the destination (and subsequent divorce), Dr. Rose became consumed with this new concept and drafted up the theory similar to what is known as Murphy’s Law. However, after realizing that nothing particularly disastrous, other than the aforementioned divorce had happened, he was invigorated with a new type of fervor. No, this was not something so simple, but rather a more complex beast. Trips to the super market, excursions to theme parks, standing in lines to fairs, ball games, and performances ensued, whereupon Dr. Rose realized that no matter how much he had planned, watched, and analyzed the moving patterns of the lines he was in, the one he remained in was always the slowest. If one employee at the market was convincingly faster than another, upon switching lanes to the one with that worker, it would immediately become that worker’s break and one much slower would be there to take his or her place. Conversely, the line he had previously been in would miraculously speed up, more frustratingly so with each extra second he had spent waiting.
Dr. Rose’s colleagues mocked his initial research and claimed that he was a fool, even a madman, but this only fueled his desire for the truth. For the next seven years Dr. Rose devoted his life to proving LoSD until, after several amendments to add in factors of frustration such as heat and time left until one’s appointment, it was formally accepted and adapted by educational institutions across the globe. Unfortunately Dr. Rose’s descent into madness halted any further research and his brilliance shall remain confined within the walls of Quogan’s Health Institute for the Gifted.
However, not all has been lost, as we can apply this rule to our daily lives. We must be patient and not hurry, lest we spend more time attempting to rush through traffic than we had originally intended. Though Dr. Rose may no longer be with us, we can still appreciate his genius, and his contribution to society will live on in Dr. Bennett Rose’s LoSD.