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Sentioritis

Senioritis is an illness causing seniors in high school or college to become lazy and exhibit poor educational performance.  This illness results from the inflammation of graduite cells in the human body.  Graduite cells begin developing in every student once they reach their senior year of high school or college. When these cells become inflamed, they travel to the brain and begin attacking the area controlling motivation and attention span.  In addition, inflamed graduite cells in the brain are known to hinder the individual’s ability to prioritize responsibilities.  Students with senioritis may exhibit different levels of poor educational performance depending on the severity of their condition.

Senioritis has three different levels of severities: mild, moderate, and severe. Students with mild cases of senioritis tend to perform poorly on a few assignments or even a test. Students with moderate cases of senioritis perform poorly on several assignments and multiple tests.  Severe cases of senioritis can be detrimental to the student’s educational career; students will exhibit poor performance on a majority of assignments and tests.  Consequently, students with severe senioritis can become ‘super seniors’ or may be required to retake the course.  All three levels of senioritis are harmful to the student’s education; thus, all seniors should seek prevention.

Senioritis can be caused in two different ways: self provoked or through prolonged contact with an infected student. Graduite cells are prone to inflammation if they become weak from a lack of stimulation. Seniors need to stimulate the cells by participating in activities such as being on time to class, taking notes during lectures, and studying for quizzes and tests.  If these activities are not done on school days, the cells become weak and begin to swell.  Prolonged contact with infected students may also spread the illness. However, strong-willed students who consistently participate in preventative activities are unlikely to catch senioritis from other students.  Active preventative action is recommended to ensure student grades are not affected.

Treatment should be sought immediately after diagnosis, or if one is suspicious of senioritis infection.  Students can treat senioritis by temporarily sacrificing their social life, creating and following a study schedule, and participating in graduite cell stimulating activities. Side affects of senioritis treatment include: less cell phone data usage, structured days, and learning in class.  Depending on the severity of their condition, treatment may be difficult for students to forego. Therefore, infected students should seek help from responsible students or professors.  Aggressive treatment is always recommended, even for mild cases of senioritis. Failure to treat senioritis may cause seniors to become ‘super seniors’ or worse—students may drop out of school completely.

Senioritis has affected the transcripts of millions of students. Thus, students entering their senior year of college or high school need to be aware of this transcript-sabotaging illness.  Students with poor study habits preceding senior year are at higher risk than those who perform well in school.  Professors encourage all students to partake in graduite cell stimulating activities.  Those at higher risk for senioritis are encouraged to take classes from sympathetic professors who offer extra credit.

Jessica Murphy