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It has been rumored that this absorbent soul was born on July 14, 1986, and resides in a pineapple submerged in the ocean.   Though it is said that he has spent many years attempting to get a boating license, he has yet to successfully complete his schooling.  Sources claim he is known around the city of Bikini Bottom as the fry cook at the popular Krusty Krab.  It is believed that this job is no walk in the park for Mr. Squarepants due to the fact that the neighboring restaurant’s owner is constantly attempting to steal the secret formula that makes Sponge Bob’s Krabby Patties so delicious.  However, according to some, his friend Squidward found out first hand that the patties “go straight to your thighs” if too many are eaten.

On multiple reports, Spongebob has been described as absorbent, yellow, and porous.  It is also stated that his “nautical nonsense be something you wish” according to the song that has been dedicated to him.  Few believe, he has also been known to make people “hop on the deck and flop like a fish.”

It has been said that he once opened his own bubble-blowing stand where he welcomed all to blow bubbles for just $.25.  Rumor has it that he is such a caring being, that he offered lessons to beginners for a mere $.25 as well.  Aside from bubbles, it is believed that he also opened up his own local restaurant outside of his house, which was known as “Pretty Patties”.  Unfortunately, a reported side effect caused customers’ tongues to change colors to match the brightly colored patty they ate.

Spongebob is known by many to be quite the adventurer, he has traveled to Rock Bottom, Shell City, New Kelp City, and even the Moon.  In addition to travels, it has been claimed that he has met such celebrities as Neptune, the heroes Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy, and of course David Hasselhoff.


MATT REID