Developed by Jonathan Broheim in 2007, the “frat-bro graph” has since become a mandatory tool used by fraternities around the nation. Similar in concept to the polygraph test, its complex system works to ultimately provide a “bro-analysis” of any new pledging member within a fraternity. With a 100% accuracy rating, it’s largely been labeled as “one of the most successful inventions of all time” (citation needed). It has since been heavily criticized by politicians and college students alike for its detrimental effect around college campuses nationwide.
The frat-bro graph mainly works by subjecting an individual to several quick tests, including the “How Deep Is Your V-Neck T-Shirt?”, the “Bro Speech Analysis”, and the ever controversial “Rate This Girl On The Area Code Scale”. By comparing the results to the standard scores set forth by Dr. Randall Landall, it is able to determine whether or not an individual can be considered a “bro”.
Since the invention of the frat-bro graph, the average college fraternity has become even more of a nuisance to the community. Police reports and citations of public indecency, noise, and tanning liquid pollution have gone through the roof. Police Chief Stan “The Man” Jolen, in an interview with the Spartan Daily, said, “If we don’t get more funding soon, San Jose will soon become the bro-capital of California. We cannot currently afford to educate young high-school grads about the dangers of the “bro-life”. We are actively trying to outlaw the use of the frat-bro graph.”
The initial goal behind the frat-bro graph, as stated by Mr. Broheim, was to separate bros into their own groups, effectively lessening the impact of their lifestyles on the rest of college students. However, due to their close living quarters and an influx of 100% authentic “bros”, they have since replaced an average of 40 English words per year with the word “bro” or another similar variation. The Bro Removal Organization (BRO) has conducted several studies stating that if this epidemic isn’t controlled within the next decade, the entire male college population will soon be 100% “bros”.
By Stephen Figueira for Comm 100W