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LONDON

January Conference, 1850


“The North” is what residents of London, England call the Northern region of the city. Northies, which are what residents of the North are referred to as, take great pride in their region and are un-accepting of people who are from anywhere else, especially South London.

Feud:

According to London historian Gordon Aldwinckle, the hatred between the Northies and Southies is completely one-sided. Aldwinckle states that the feud began in March of 1732, when Southie Stratford Gravelle refused to apologize after causing Northie Grand Chancellor Rupert Oxley to spill his Yorkshire Pudding. Gravelle claimed it was an accident, but Oxley demanded revenge and was quoted as saying, “That guy’s a dick, I hate the South.” And thus the feud began. When approached about the feud, Southie Gwen Finch stated, “The Northies be alright in my book, they’re just kinda wankahs thass all.”

Culture:

Northies have a very distinct way of life. Ever since the January Conference in 1850, then Grand Chancellor Cornelius Doubleday decreed that from that day forth, all newborn babies are to be named Cornelius. In the North, it is considered offensive to reject someone’s idea, and so the new law was established. This caused great confusion at times because in the North, it is considered offensive to look at the person while you are talking to them. Other customs in the North are when an individual sneezes, he or she is to direct that sneeze directly into the face of another citizen of the North as a sign of respect. Northerners shake hands with their left hand, and simultaneously slap the other person in the face as hard as they can with their right hand, again as a sign of respect. The accent of the Northies is also very distinct. Arthur van Stotsen of the London Daily News once compared the accents to, “a very old, possibly homeless female, who smoked most of her life, has seventeen cats, and yells at everyone.” In response to this comparison, Northie Cornelius Hoskins was quoted saying, “She’s probably a Southie.” And thus the feud continues. 

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