Wizard Causes Rampage
by Stephen Popovich and Lin Yar
Yesterday night at approximately eleven in the evening, the security cameras of UFC fighter Quinton “Rampage” Jackson captured a youthful teen dressed in medieval style clothing commit grand theft auto. Only the suspect’s method used could be described as magic. The footage showed the young suspect simply appear from the shadows of the south tower gate. He hastily approached his target, a $250,000 2010 Lamborghini Mercielago LP640. He stood in front of the treasure and whipped out the most unlikely tool, a flimsy stick. It was approximately one foot in what seemed to be dark ivory. He proceeded to point the stick directly at car and uttered what seemed to be gibberish. The result, as logic cannot describe, a burst of light shot out from the tip as the door swung open and engine roared to life. Without a skip of a beat, the suspect dove into the vehicle. Once again without any physical inputs, the door shut closed on its own as a quarter million dollars vanished into thin air. Detectives still are unable to determine the cause of the irregularities of this event. The Lamborghini was last seen speeding up and down the Vegas strip with the top down with the same suspect wearing a shriveled cone hat behind the wheel. LVPD tailed the stolen vehicle in a high speed pursuit, but lost the suspect as he turned right between the Mandalay Bay and Luxor resorts. Moments later, witnesses claim that they saw the same vehicle burst out of the Sphinx’s mouth from Luxor and soared into the night sky. Las Vegas is a city full of talents, but what had occurred last night goes beyond anything ever seen on the strip. The world of Harry Potter may no longer be contained in J. K. Rowling's imagination.